This is an excerpt from an email I wrote to someone who is dealing with a lot of tough issues. I think the questions she was asking are questions the vast majority of people today are asking...so I am posting a portion of my reply.
Too many pastors and Christians try to make every story end with "and now I'm closer to God and everything is much better." This is simply our desire for a fairy tale ending..."And they lived happily ever after." There's a reason they call that a fairy tale.
Life is hard. Dealing with depression and other issues is not a walk in the park or something you decide to "get over." It is and will be a lifelong issue for you. That doesn't mean you won't experience victory over it, that just means you will always be vulnerable in this area. For some people it addictions to drinking or drugs or co-dependent relationships or success or people-pleasing or sex or food (the list could go on). For you, it is propensity toward depression and cutting. Like the recovering alcoholic who should not take the first sip, you must guard your heart and your body from slipping back into old patterns. This will be an issue for many years to come.
All that being said, you need to know also that this in no way means you can't have a healthy, fun-filled, vibrant life! You are a beautiful young lady full of life and vitality. Don't ignore that aspect of you.
Being closer to God is a difficult concept to talk about because it means something different to every person. For some it is an emotional high that they have to hit (almost like a drug trip...). For others it is a life of successes and victories. For still others it is a life sequestered from the world. None of these really hits the mark. They are all more like an American dream, not God's dream for our lives.
God's dream for our lives is holiness. He wants us to live a life of holiness in a world that is dying to connect with Him - even when they can't articulate that. Being close to God involves both a mental decision (act of the will) and your heart. The great news is that no matter where you go (emotionally, spiritually, or physically) God is there. You can't be "far" from God. The difficulty lies in our feelings about our relationship with God.
As the Prodigal Son "came to himself" when he was in the far country, so also, there are many times we need to come to ourselves and return to the embrace of the Father. We, however, must realize that we never ceased being a son/daughter - even in the far country. Whether you feel it or not, you are a precious daughter of God. Whether you want to be or not, you are God's beloved. Whether you read your Bible every day and pray or not, you are safe and secure in the Hand of God. You may feel your relationship with God is not strong, but from God's perspective He will never let go.
Under the Mercy,
Jason
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