Lately, God has really been asking me to spend more time with Him in quiet meditation and prayer and study. I have to admit that I have not really been listening to invitation until this week. But this week I have finally slowed down enough to listen. Here are some things I’m learning.
First, relying on my own power to do His work is silly and leads to either arrogance or humiliation (and sometimes one leads to the other!). I have been spinning my wheels trying to be “all that and a bag of chips” while forgetting the still small voice of the Spirit. This week as I have started to do more listening I am realizing how quickly that slippery slope falls.
Discipline in your spiritual life is not about gaining points with God, it’s about choosing to cultivate your relationship with Him. I have been forced to ask myself how important is my relationship with God? Answering that question is less easy when you do it through the rubric of how you spend your time, what you feed your soul with, and where your money goes. As I evaluated these things, I realized I was heading in a direction I ultimately didn’t want to go. I have had to work hard this week on re-disciplining myself.
Second, I realized that God wants to work in and through me. God really loves me and wants an intimate relationship with me. I don’t have to convince Him I’m worth His time. I don’t have to prove something to Him before He will look my way. I don’t even have to get His attention. I already have it! Instead, I just need to turn my attention toward Him.
Last, I have learned that I am not nearly as great as I often think I am nor am I as terrible as I sometimes think I am. It is quite amazing how much of a role external forces play in my self-perception. When I am being praised I feel great. When I sense someone is not happy with me, I see myself as a loser. One minute I have the confidence of a champion in battle, the next I’m a whimpering puddle of pathetic self-loathing. All because of what I think someone else thinks of me.
As I have spent more time simply being in the presence of God, I am sensing a much more healthy and consistent self-understanding in myself. As I learn to listen to the Spirit’s still small voice, I begin to quit worrying about what others might think or say and seek only to be obedient to Him. My self-concept is no longer shaped by what others think (or what I think they think!), but by my creator and and savior. When my priorities are shifted toward simply cultivating my relationship with God, I am free to see myself as God sees me. This protects me from utter conceit and arrogance as well as self-defeating attitudes of worthlessness.
I share all of this hoping to encourage each of you. I understand what it is to have times of spiritual dryness and even drought. I know what it is like to get busy and simply forget about cultivating your relationship with God. I know that it is hard to be disciplined about spending time alone in God’s presence. I know where it leads when we get on that slippery slope. But I also know that God isn’t looking for a bunch of perfect people, He is inviting us to be with Him and enjoy His company.
This week, I’ve been re-introduced to keeping company with God...and I am enjoying it so much! I would love for you to share in this feeling.
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