I was spending some time praying this morning and reading about (and from) the book of Amos. God convicted me of a few things, so if you want to hear a pastor's confession, read on. If you think we pastors (or me in particular) are perfect and holy, stop reading now lest you lose that illusion (or delusion).
My spirit seems clear that God has called me to be some sort of "prophetic voice" in Delaware. I do not in any way claim to be a prophet - that is (to quote our President-elect) "way above my pay grade." I do believe that God has called the Church to speak His truth and hope to the communities in which they exist. And I lead a church in Delaware, OH so I need to be that voice.
Here's where I get convicted.
As I was praying, I started thinking:
What message does a prophetic voice proclaim in Delaware?
What if people listen and want to follow God's dream for His people?
Who would lead them?
Could I?
I don't think I am ready for that! What if people really wanted to be shown how to move from a religion to a relationship? Can I model and teach that?
I was cut to the heart to realize that I might not be ready for that. My relationship with Christ might not be strong enough to handle that. What if my relationship with God was no deeper than anyone else's (or worse, what if it was much more shallow)? I realized that I had become more concerned with the success of an organization than with cultivating a heart for God among His people - including me.
So, today, November 12, 2008, I renew my calling from God to connect with Him and then help others connect with Him. I am not about the success of an organization (although if it is a tool God wants to use, I will certainly do my best to use my gifts for that end), but about building a relationship with Christ and His people - inside and outside the Church.
This might not be a huge deal or revelation to you, but for me it was important. Thanks for indulging a pastor who doesn't have it all together and who's relationship with Christ is not always a mountain top experiences. Those experiences are very rare these days. It is, however, a daily decision that I have to make for myself. I'm not batting 1.000, but but I'm trying to improve.
Under the Mercy,
Jason
3 comments:
Jason, this is why I serve with you and will continue to. You're aware enough to see the things in your life that you need to work on, and aren't afraid to let others know.
By doing this you inspire me, and others, to renew a commitment to having a deeper relationship with Jesus. If you're going to lead a "revolution of love," I'm going to provide the soundtrack.
Something that bothers me....why aren't more people reading your blog and commenting? How annoying.
Jimmy, thanks for your comment! I am honored to serve with you...and your soundtrack is amazing.
I don't know why people aren't reading or following my blog. I guess I'm not that exciting! What can we do about it?
Jason, I'm going to design a welcome slide letting people know that our blog's are available. Also we should keep putting it in the e-update as well as the announcements section in our bulletin.
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