Loving vs. Pleasing

I am a card-carrying people pleaser.  I know it and I am trying to overcome it, but it is a hard habit to break.

I am just now beginning to see deeper into the negative effects of this trait - not on me, but on those I am trying to love.  A pleaser is really using his pleasing to keep the other person at arm's length.  We don't know this, we do it instinctually.  The problem arises when the other person doesn't want you to please them, they want you to love them.  What do you do then?

My knee-jerk reaction is to try harder to please them (in Christian-talk we call it "serving").  While most people appreciate the acts of kindness, it is not what they were looking for in the long run.  They are looking for an emotional connection.  And this scares the crap out of us pleasers.

I am just seeing this and I haven't figured out how to move from pleasing to loving yet.  But I'm willing to learn!  I just hope those around me can be patient enough with me in the process.  Let's be honest, at 43, I should have learned this a long time ago!

So for all you fellow people pleasers out there, remember: Pleasing someone isn't loving them.

For all you people we are trying to please: be patient with us, this is new for us and we aren't sure what to do.

Under the Mercy,
Jason