Loving vs. Pleasing

I am a card-carrying people pleaser.  I know it and I am trying to overcome it, but it is a hard habit to break.

I am just now beginning to see deeper into the negative effects of this trait - not on me, but on those I am trying to love.  A pleaser is really using his pleasing to keep the other person at arm's length.  We don't know this, we do it instinctually.  The problem arises when the other person doesn't want you to please them, they want you to love them.  What do you do then?

My knee-jerk reaction is to try harder to please them (in Christian-talk we call it "serving").  While most people appreciate the acts of kindness, it is not what they were looking for in the long run.  They are looking for an emotional connection.  And this scares the crap out of us pleasers.

I am just seeing this and I haven't figured out how to move from pleasing to loving yet.  But I'm willing to learn!  I just hope those around me can be patient enough with me in the process.  Let's be honest, at 43, I should have learned this a long time ago!

So for all you fellow people pleasers out there, remember: Pleasing someone isn't loving them.

For all you people we are trying to please: be patient with us, this is new for us and we aren't sure what to do.

Under the Mercy,
Jason

Out of Sync

Have you ever been through a time where you just feel out of sync with the rhythm of your life? It's not that there is anything particularly wrong or some big sin in your life, you just feel "off"?

For some strange, unknown reason that is how I have felt lately. Prayer is work and too often it feels pointless. Spending time in Scripture is a drudgery. I feel very undisciplined and a bit aimless.

Yet...

I've been working with a couple whose marriage was literally about to end and in 2 weeks time God truly did a miracle. I say miracle because that was the only hope they had.

Terra Nova continues to grow in spite of my weakness (or maybe because of my weakness...).

I'm seeing people I love dearly find new ground in their spiritual journey and it thrills me.

Maybe we are prone to get stuck in the morass of difficult times so that we are forced to realize that it is not our strength or our abilities or our greatness that provokes God to move and act. It is actually quite the opposite. It is in our weakness that God is strong.

Don't let your spiritual inabilities get you down. Don't let "off" times make you feel like less of a Christian or less loved by God.

God loves you because you are you, not because of how consistent you have a quiet time or pray. God loves you because you are His creation, not because of all you have accomplished. This means that even when you are under-performing (in your mind) you are still extremely loved by God. He still is quite fond of you.

Rest in that. I know I am trying to.

Under the Mercy,
Jason

Pat Robertson & Haiti

I posted my status on Facebook yesterday by saying this, "Someone needs to tell Pat Robertson to shut up." I still feel this way. Robertson basically said the the people of Haiti swore a pact with the devil and this is why they are suffering. He is citing a story he read (he does not give a reference) about how they did this to drive out the French.

I know that telling someone to shut up is not a very nice thing to say, and I know that Pat Robertson in no way represents what the majority of Christians think, but it really angers me that people like that become the loudest voice in the crowd. The more I hear about what happened in Haiti, the more amazed I am at the devastation. I pray that we, the Church, will be able to help restore and rebuild this country.

The Church is not in (nor should it engage in) a public relations war. We are to let God justify us. Our love for each other and the world around us ought to be evidence enough of our faith. When outspoken men or women declare things about us or about God that are simply untrue and misrepresent the truth, our job is not to shout louder in return, but to demonstrate love with even more fervor.

I hope Robertson realizes the damage he has done to the credibility of the Gospel, yet I also know that I, too, am guilty of misrepresenting God's love in a million small ways.

Under the Mercy,
Jason

Lasting Life Transformation: The Sacremental Life

Galatians 3:1-14 makes one thing crystal clear: We are reconciled to God and receive His Holy Spirit by faith, not by obeying rules. Jesus accomplished what was need for our relationship with God to be restored (reconciled) when He died on the cross. The evidence of this restoration is the Resurrection and the Ascension and the coming of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost.

I know this is not anything new, but this morning it hit me in a fresh way. I truly got it.

I finally realized that I was still trying to impress God with my accomplishments and deeds and successes. I finally realized that my success did not run my relationship with God. This was a mindset shift (a paradigm shift, if you will) for me. I didn't even realize I had fallen into this mindset of hoping for God's acceptance, but I had.

As I reflected further, I realized that the life transformation Christ called the Church to proclaim and accomplish in the lives of His Bride was this shift to a relationship of receiving God's grace and love in everything rather than trying to earn it.

The best title I could come up with this way of life was: The Sacramental Life. A sacrament is a means (i.e. medium, way, avenue) of grace. I am truly living in the Kingdom of God when the entirety of my life is a means of grace. When I can receive God's grace and love through every thing I do, I am truly living the life Christ died to give me. Sanctification is positioning myself to see God's grace and love in everything. The disciplines are simply a tactic for opening myself up to God and His grace and love. Serving others becomes a way of receiving grace and love. Worship is now a means of receiving grace and love. I'm no longer doing things to make myself a better person, I'm doing things so that I might better see God at work in me.

Today, I will begin seeing every situation, every person, every moment as an act of faith - receiving God's grace and love in each. I will live the Sacramental Life.

Under the Mercy,
Jason

The Leadership Edge

The people who live across the street from me got a new roof this week. I watched out the window and couldn’t help but get a little nauseous as I watched the guys move around on the edge of the roof. I don’t do heights all that well.

As I watched and winced every time one of them got close to the edge, it reminded me of an article I read recently about leadership. One of the key thoughts centered around the fact that leaders must do things that are different and beyond the known status quo, therefore, leaders will evoke reaction (good or bad). If a leader is not evoking reactions, he or she is not leading.

As I tried to hold this thought while watching the guys on the roof, it made me think about how I would act if I was roofing. I would be the guy in the middle of the lowest part of the house near the soft bushes. Then I started to wonder if I lead that way? Do I stay in the middle or am I willing to get near the edge and cause reaction?

I don’t think we, as a community of people loving God and loving others, can exist in Delaware without causing reactions. If we are, we are not leading the way in living out God’s Kingdom today.

I want Terra Nova to be a leader in this community. Not a civic leader, but a spiritual leader…a prophetic voice in our culture. We might not always be the most popular and we might not always be the biggest or most polished, but we will LOVE OUT LOUD and hopefully, cause a reaction. Are you with me?

Under the Mercy,
Jason

Psychologists and Love

I heard a psychologist talking about the 'poster' that talks about what love is...love is patient, love is kind, etc. It was interesting to hear him analyze, from a psychological perspective, how one must have patience in order to be kind. One must be secure in their own selfhood in order to avoid envying or feeling the need to boast.

As I listened to this I realized that maybe, just maybe, God had a pretty good grasp on love as He used the Apostle Paul to teach us the basics on what it means to love (1 Cor. 13).